Why Reciprocation is a Powerful Influence Tool & Ideas On What You Should
What Is It?
If someone does something for us, we have a natural tendency to do something in return and maybe even something bigger than what they did for us.
Why is it relevant to Hospitality & Service Industries?
In his book, Influence, Cialdini explains six major principles of influence. The first principle is called reciprocity. Reciprocity means we have a natural urge to pay back gifts and favours we have received.
Hospitality & Service is all about moments of trust, relationships and the human aspect of it all. Reciprocity is a key element to build all that and more.
“There are slavish souls who carry their appreciation for favours done them so far that they strangle themselves with the rope of gratitude.”—Friedrich Nietzsche
Why is this so important?
A large part of the reason is that this behaviour seems to have strong evolutionary benefits. It’s so pervasive in human culture, it’s believed that there is no society that does not feel reciprocation's pull. The archaeologist Richard Leakey believes reciprocation is the foundation on which we have evolved: “We are human because our ancestors learned to share their food and their skills in an honoured network of obligation.”
The person who acts in a certain way toward us is entitled to similar return action.
This rule has two consequences:
We feel obliged to repay the favours we have received.
We feel obliged to make a concession to someone who has made a concession to us.
Actionable Insights
Do things for people. It's that simple. Start small, start anywhere, start with what you can.
Be Genuinely Generous.
Give your time.
Give your knowledge.
Give first.
Others can only reciprocate if you do something for them.
The rule dictates that you be the first to initiate the cycle. You do something, they respond, you respond and the cycle gets bigger, better.
Make it Personal & Memorable. Put Effort Into It.
Giving someone a book is an act of gifting and the person who receives the book, will find a way to repay you. But imagine gifting someone a book you know they love and were unable to find on their own. Or an early edition of the book or even a signed copy.
Because that is personal, it will be valued more than any other book.
Make it Unexpected
Birthdays / Anniversaries / House warming parties are all events where gifts are expected. You carry the gift because you know it is an occasion that is being celebrated but also to offset the favour the host is doing you by hosting you.
The best acts that receive mental space, gratitude and reciprocity are the ones that are unexpected.
Keep The Relationship Going
Do a favour, let the recipient bay it back, repeat.
You can make the next favour greater or smaller, it does not matter. Just keep the cycle on. Keep building on that first exchange.
Make the FREE valuable
Acts, gifts, giveaways, do not need to be expensive. In fact, too generous and expensive favours can create a negative outcome.
FREE to you, may not be free to others. Advice from a doctor, teacher, coach, may be free for them, but it is very valuable for the one receiving it.
Other Important Things To Keep In Mind
“Gifts are never free: they bind the giver and receiver in a loop of reciprocity.” Marcel Mauss, sociologist and anthropologist
Are you providing others with the ability to reciprocate your gesture by offering you value in return?
You have to let the recipient 'pay you back. That does not mean money, but with a favour of their own. Give people the chance to help you back if you have helped them.
Repaying the debt is a strong internal need and people value the relationship better when done.
Not allowing others to repay you back, may make you look like someone who likes to keep people under her thumb.
Is your act too generous? too grand?
If I am unable to reciprocate your gesture, I will always feel in psychological debt. I may not ever want another favour from you and I will try to negate this debt at the first available opportunity. Once repaid, I may never want it to happen again.
That breaks the relationship.
Some Real-World Ideas
@work
Can you bring something for the team once in a while.
Can you teach someone a skill/task they are struggling with?
Can you stay back and help the team when it looks like the deadline will not be met? or when the team is working hard to meet the deadline?
Your Website
A website visitor who receives valuable information for free is more likely to feel obligated to buy from that website or company.
You can add information about the neighbourhood, city, culture, weather, events etc. Even offer free tickets or drop & pick up to certain events.
For Business Hotels
You can help your guest succeed at his work.
You can help them with a sales lead?
Gift a book. if books are expensive to gift. What about a recommendation? That is free.
Networking, meeting-up opportunity. Can you as a hotel manager, get two people to meet? A match-maker for business. Let's say you know that a guest is looking for a local partner for a new product and you just happen to know such a person. You can get them together. This would be a favour to both the guests.